Case 10, File 05: Babylon

AKA: I Did Not Want An X-Files Version Of 24

The X-Files went off the air, the first time around, in May of 2002, 9 months after 9/11. For the next 8 years, the threat of Islamic terrorism would be such a dominant force in the American psyche that we still use it as a shorthand for irredeemable evil to this day. The X-Files, being dormant for almost of all of that (except for the 2nd movie) meant that it missed the height of Islamophobia in this country. Not sure why they decided they wanted to take a swing at it though.

The episode opens with a Muslim, living in Texas, wandering around, experiencing Islamophobia, and, you guessed it, heading into an art gallery with a friend to do a suicide bombing. Two FBI Agents, Miller and Einstein, are called in to look into that, and Miller, an overeducated nerd who believes in the paranormal, wants to talk to one of the bombers to convince him to tell them about future bombings to stop them. Problem is, he's in a coma at a nearby hospital so they'd . And so, they go to consult our heroes.

Mulder and Scully kick them to the curb, but like 4 minutes later, Scully calls Miller and suggests they use an EEG to interrogate him, while Mulder, who is worried about Scully being off because of her mom's death, calls Einstein (who is a close minded non-believer) and suggests she give him magic mushrooms so he can psychically talk to the terrorist.  She is 0 percent on board, for like, 100 different reasons. But then Miller and Scully get stuck in the room with the terrorist by some racist Homeland Security person who wants to kick them off the case and Einstein gets stuck with Mulder.

Scully and Miller attach the EEG to the terrorist's head, but before they can get any real readings, there's a bomb threat on their wing of the hospital and they have to leave. A deeply Islamophobic nurse (seriously, her rant is really uncomfortable) tries to unplug the terrorist, but before he can die, Mulder and Einstein hop in for Mulder to take his uh...magic mushrooms. And he does. A lot, apparently.

"I'm gonna try to kill you. It doesn't actually matter to the plot, but it sure does happen."

Mulder then goes on a psychedelic odyssey, involving a line dance to a Billy Ray Cyrus song, going to strip club with the Lone Gunmen and then a brief stop on a spaceship. Finally we end up on a boat with Cigarette Smoking Man acting as Charon and the terrorist being held by a woman, and he whispers something to Mulder. But Mulder wakes up and finds himself in the hospital with Skinner there and mad at him and Einstein saying she just gave him a placebo. It's implied she's lying, but they never follow up on that.

On their way out of the hospital, Mulder and Einstein spot a woman who Mulder recognizes from his vision and recognizes as the bomber's mother. They let her and she tries to talk to him but he uh...dies? But all of this is enough to make Mulder remember what the guy told him, which is the name of hotel (albeit in Arabic, so Miller has to translate). They raid the hotel and capture the bombers. And thus the episode ends, with Miller and Einstein discussing their various methods and Mulder and Scully discussing the nature of belief and faith.

The last few episodes may not have been up to the standards of classic X-Files, but they've at least been good enough that I was starting to worry that my memories of being...less than fond of Season 10 might be inaccurate, so I do want to thank this episode for just being so goddamn awful that it reminded me of something important about these revival episodes; While when they're good, they can be pretty good, when they're bad, they're awful.

First, let's get the obvious out of the way: This episode is Islamophobic, uncomfortably so. It's so Islamophobic that it feels like it's setting up for a twist. Aha, the episode will say, you thought it was X, but it was in fact Y, but that twist never comes. Further, it seems to be Islamophobic without purpose; Nothing about the rest of the plot requires that it be about Islamic terrorism and it leads to some major tone issues. But if I have to be pointing that out every time it comes up, we'll be here all day, so just keep in your mind that even if the rest of the episode works (and it doesn't), we'd still be marking down for that.

That's our Mulder; Taking potentially dangerous drugs recklessly!

The main thrust of the episode is Mulder and Scully mentoring Miller and Einstein, teaming up with their opposite to show them the value of their partnership. And while that's not a terrible idea, it just does not work here. For starters, it's a recreation of the Layla Harrison concept, and without the element of continuity, it doesn't land as hard. For second, and perhaps more importantly, splitting up Mulder and Scully denies us even the chemistry that can carry the show through weaker moments.

Miller and Scully is the worse of the two storylines. It accomplishes nothing and doesn't feel like it's intended to, mostly there to mark time while Mulder's wackier storyline does its thing. This would be fine in theory, giving Scully some time to build on the previous episode's plot and maybe understand Miller a little better. But that doesn't work; Miller is a non-character and Scully barely gets to express how she feels about anything that's happening or happened. Hell, we get more built on Mulder's character just from him being reticent to include Scully.

Mulder's plotline is stronger, but not precisely a home run. Mulder and Einstein have an entertainingly nasty back and forth, and Mulder's plotline at least feels like it belongs in an X-Files episode, but it comes with some other issues. Namely the tone; The drug trip is a fun sequence sure, but it feels like it would be more at home in a full on wacky comedy episode, and does not gel with the extremely grim tone of the rest of the episode. It's nice to see the Lone Gunmen again, we all know they deserved better, but would it kill ya to put them in an episode they fit into?

I have no idea why they went with the Pieta Pose here, and I don't want to think about it.

The episode does try to make up for these shortcomings, point out how Islamophobic modern America is, give the episode a theme, but these fall pretty flat. The attempts to mitigate the Islamophobia don't mean anything because there's no Muslim characters; The mom is the only Muslim in the movie who isn't a terrorist and she has like 2 lines; As far as the episode is concerned, the vast majority of American Muslims are terrorists, and that impulse is never explored. As for a theme, I guess they give Mulder (and Miller) a big wrap up speech about faith, but it doesn't really build on anything in the episode. Faith was not a big component of anything Mulder did in the episode, and the Trumpets thing is so out of nowhere that I have no idea what it's going for.

It never really occurred to me what might have become of The X-Files if it had survived to really exist in the post 9/11 world. The world was so obsessed with terrorism that I kind of worry it might have gotten taken over by it. As it was, it was too devoted to wrapping up its own storylines to really get touched by it, but this episode is a brief look at what the show might have looked like if it had really tried to ride the 24 train. And based on this episode, if the show had really tried that, I think I would have hated it.

Case Notes:

• I dunno how I feel about the random dudes just giving the Muslim guy shit for existing. It probably not inaccurate but The X-Files tackling racism is uh....hit and miss.
• I like Scully tossing out the "FBI's most unwanted" bit.
• I get that the two new agents are supposed to be Mulder and Scully Jr. but having the girl be a redhead is a bit on the nose.
• Mulder Jr. (Miller? Is his name Miller) wanting to communicate with the essentially dead terrorist is good.
• I do not buy the white dude being the one suggesting to get rid of the offensive painting of Mohammed.
• Scully Jr. (Einstein) clocking that Scully is in love with Mulder after 10 seconds is fun.
• Skinner doesn't even show up to own Mulder.
• The two people arguing about the existence of the offensive paintings are just annoying. I get why they're here, it doesn't make them less annoying.
• Mulder and Einstein having a discussion about the nature of reality and thought is a very odd but kind of amusing scene.
• And then Scully meets up with Miller and I realize the episode is about Mulder and Scully mentoring their younger opposites.
• Mulder suggesting he get high to talk to the braindead terrorist is some vintage Mulder stuff, I love it.
• DHS locking Einstein out of the room with the terrorist and forcing Scully and Miller to remain inside if they wanna keep access is a cheap, but solid way to force the plot where it needs to go.
• The nurse then spouting a bunch of random right wing talking points is DEEPLY weird. I do like Mulder just immediately grabbing the magic mushrooms.
• Mulder high as hell wandering Texas is the kind of scene I've always wanted out of The X-Files. This is the best scene in the episode hands down.
• Mulder is hallucinating the Lone Gunmen and they deserve better.
• The hallucination scene kinda stops being entertaining when it has to be about the actual plot of the episode. The rowboat sequence is uninteresting and the transition to the terrorists is awkward.
• Skinner showing up and immediately shutting Mulder down is quite fun. He's not had a lot of screentime lately, despite promotion to main credits, but he does it well.
• The direction on the scene where the FBI takes down the terror cell is weird. What's up with the song choice?
• Lightly amusing wrap up scene with Miller and Einstein, but they don't do enough to be properly defined as characters; They mostly exist as reflections of the characters they're based off of.
• As always, these reviews are supported by my Patreon. Check it out, cause if I get enough patrons, there's a chance I'll do a blog like this for 24 (that chance is 1 in 10,000,000,000)

Current Celebrity Watch:

Agent Einstein is played by Lauren Ambrose, who is probably best known for her role as Claire Fisher in Six Feet Under. She also played Eliza Doolittle in the 2018 revival of My Fair Lady at the Lincoln Center, which I actually saw, she was really good. She's currently the lead in the M. Night Shyamalan helmed tv show Servant, which I haven't watched.

Agent Miller is played by Robbie Amell, who someone probably knows for playing the love interest on a Nickelodeon show called True Jackson, VP. I have no knowledge of it, and will never think about it again. He's also a recurring character on Flash, which I've watched the crossover episodes of cause I'm watching Legends of Tomorrow. Does that count? No? Okay.

One of the talking heads on the TV is played by Garry Chalk, who was a main character on a Canadian cop show called Cold Squad. He also voiced Optimus Prime for over 150 episodes of an American dub of a Transformers anime. That's a lot of episodes, frankly.

Audio Observations:

Hoo boy, this section is stacked; The drug sequence has a bunch of them; Something Bad by Miranda Lambert and Carrie Underwood, Achy Breaky Heart by Billy Ray Cyrus, Honky Tonk Badonkadonk by Trace Adkins and Misery is the River of the World by Tom Waits. In his final scene, Agent Miller is listening to Secret Heart by Rob Sexsmith and the final scene between Mulder and Scully is underscored by Ho Hey by The Lumineers.