Case 8.5, File 03: Eine Kleine Frohike

AKA: That's Some Real Bad German

Three or four episodes in is usually the point when a series can stop setting up its character dynamics and worlds and just get down to the business of what we're going to be doing week to week, and as such can usually function as something of mission statement; 3 episodes in was The X-Files hit Squeeze, which is one of the best early episodes. So now that we've got our basic setup (with Jimmy added to the crew) it's time for us to see what the show is going to try to be.

Our episode kicks off with a 1940s serial about a woman in Alsace-Lorraine during World War II who poisoned resistance members on behalf of the Nazis and also had a kid with one of them, sending him away when the Americans arrive. Meanwhile, back in the present, after some kvetching (technical term) about how Jimmy Bond is an idiot, the Lone Gunmen are approached by a guy named Wilhelm, who says he thinks he's tracked down the poisoner, based on an ad she placed looking for her son. And given that the Nazi she had the affair looked like Frohike...well you can guess where this is going.

Namely it's going to the spot where they use makeup to make Frohike look like he was born during World War II (the fact that Tom Braidwood was born in 1948 is just something you're gonna have to roll with) and send him off to the house to prove that the old lady is the poisoner...by seeing her birthmark, shaped like Germany, on her ass. Yes, the core of the episode is Frohike trying to see an old woman's ass. Just uh...just deal with it.

And so Frohike futzes (another technical term) around the house with the old lady (named Mrs. Haag) while Byers and Langely hang around outside the house, sparring with the neighbors and spying on the house. Frohike starts to feel for the old woman a bit but changes his mind when he finds Mrs. Haag's maid dead after eating one of the pastries that he thinks Mrs. Haag made for him, and renews his efforts to prove she's the poisoner. He doesn't actually accomplish anything, but it's important that he try.

Meanwhile, back at the Lone Gunmen's hideout, Yves breaks in because she's suspicious of the man the Gunmen are working for. Namely, she thinks he's the actual son of the poisoner and also knows that he's a former East German Stasi (secret police basically)with a bounty on his head and teams up with Jimmy to find proof. After ninjaing (still a technical term) into his hotel room, she figures out that the Lone Gunmen are in danger and heads off to help. With Jimmy in tow, who doesn't do much more than look good, but he tries bless him.

More TV shows should open episodes with 1940s Newsreels.

Anyway, Langely gets some muffins from the next door neighbor around the same time Yves arrives and they all figure out that the next door neighbor is the real poisoner, which means that Langely has to throw up those muffins. So they capture Wilhelm and try to figure out how to reveal her. Namely, Wilhelm heads into the house during the maid's wake and convinces the next door neighbor to reveal herself as the poisoner. But, psyche, the Wilhelm in the house was actually Jimmy in a...Mission Impossible mask? Whatever, they capture the poisoner lady and Jimmy points out that Yves stuck around to help after she'd already captured Wilhelm, so she really does care, so the episode is over, so don't think too hard about it.

This isn't a particularly great episode of The Lone Gunmen but it's not a bad one, and I'd be inclined to simply discuss what does and doesn't work about it, if it weren't for the fact that it's the third episode of the series and thus exists as part of a thesis statement about how the series intended to proceed. And that makes me want to take a careful look at it, really dissect it to understand what went wrong. And honestly, I'm over 180 reviews into this blog and no one has been able to stop me so far.

The big note here is that this episode is extremely, intentionally, comedic. This is well past the point of even the most comedic episodes of The X-Files; The plot hinges on Frohike's quest to spot a birthmark on an old woman's ass, and Langely getting poisoned is played for laughs, this is full on sitcom territory. And that's not a complaint, a lot of the jokes land really well (Langely keeling over in particular is perfectly timed), it just feels kind of odd given all of the other ephemeral stuff and it raises the question; Why wasn't The Lone Gunmen a half hour sitcom?

To be clear, I'm not against hour-format comedies (I like Psych a lot) but the specific style of The Lone Gunmen seems like it would do better in the half hour format. The hour format requires that the plot actually feel like it has stakes and weight, but spending most of your time just bumbling around failing to do anything is a lot more acceptable in the 30 minute format, and it suits these characters a lot better. The tone of a half hour sitcom would also suit a story like "Trying to look at an old woman's ass" a lot better, and would force them to figure out what they actually needed to make an episode work.

I like this shot, that's all.

I wonder then if the reason it's not a half hour sitcom is the fact that it's an X-Files spinoff and feels the need to exist in not only that same space, but also in the same ballpark, tone wise. Admittedly, having "Seinfeld but with Hackers" going on 10 feet from "Serious Conspiracy Stuff" might be touch and go, but that's already a tightrope walk the series has been on since Darrin Morgan first wandered onto the scene in Season 2. Having a full on sitcom taking place in the same universe wouldn't make it that much harder.

But then, I feel like the semi-comedic tone of the actual show might cause similar problems. The big climactic moment of the episode hinges on Yves having easy access to a full on Mission Impossible face mask, complete with voice alteration and I feel like that's something that would come up more often in The X-Files. Making the show more overtly comedic would soften some of that, or at least make me feel like it's something we can brush off.

And if seems odd that I'm spending so much time talking about how this show would be hypothetically better if it was a half hour sitcom, it's because I don't have a lot of stuff to say about the actual episode. The episode doesn't have strong plot or much in the way of tension, so it just sort of coasts on a mildly amusing vibe throughout, letting the Gunmen bounce off each other and the old woman. There are some standouts; Jimmy is already a solid addition to the cast, and she and Yves are an entertaining duo, but overall the episode is very mild and just not very interesting to write about.

When I say a Mission Impossible Mask, I mean it.

This is my final review of 2020 and it seems like it's a kind of weak one to go out on, but I think it defines this era of the show very well; As I said, The X-Files has been coasting for a while now, letting its existing fanbase and good will carrying it through mediocre episodes while dropping occasional standouts. And while that may be fine for a show that's still one of the biggest series on TV, The Lone Gunmen had limited time to grab an audience, and a mediocre episode is not something it could afford.

Case Notes:

• Not sure why a woman on the side of the Nazis in occupied Alsace-Lorraine would have to poison her victims, couldn't she just...report them to the Nazis?
• Hey, Jimmy made it to the opening credits, that's cool.
• I get that Jimmy is kinda dumb, but couldn't they just take his money and not ask him to file stuff or clean keyboards, especially if he wrecks the keyboard. You'd think the Lone Gunmen would try to find a solution that doesn't involve losing his money.
• I still like Jimmy's misplaced optimism, and I don't care who knows it.
• I like how basically everyone recognizes that Frohike can completely pass for the old man but Frohike is just in denial.
• I like the premise of the episode, with Frohike tricking a Nazi collaborator, but the fact that he's looking for a birthmark shaped like Germany on her ass is just a little silly.
• The bit with the neighbor finding Byers and Langely is fun, especially when they have to pretend to be INS.
• If you're a maid and you find some electronic stuff in someone's laundry and then throw it out, you're probably in a lot of trouble.
• Frohike looks incredibly silly in the overly-German outfit and the actor sells his discomfort perfectly.
• And now the maid is just eating food out of the trash? What the hell is going on in this household.
• I am sure it's entirely made up, but I liked Yves' unlocking device.
• I like that Yves knows more about this nonsense than the Lone Gunmen do, although they might need to come up with some decent explanation for why she's keeping such close tabs on them.
• Frohike dressed up as an old timey German? Solid. Frohike failing to exercise in the park? Meh. I guess it's important that he hurt his leg?
• Frohike thinking the old lady might have a heart moments before finding the maid dead might be a decent teachable moment about how Nazis are human beings but that doesn't stop them from being Nazis. Not sure that's the point we're driving at though.
• Everyone's pretty blase about the maid biting it, but I guess we don't have time to go into it.
• So wait, the guy who hired the Gunmen is actually the old lady's son but he's also an East German Stasi? Am I following that right?
• Yves detached cynicism and Jimmy's blithe optimism make an amusing team. I especially like him instantly getting way into pretending to make out with her and her brushing him off.
• Jimmy managed to blow being the lookout, because of course he did.
• The wineglass still spinning when Wilhelm opens the door is a neat shot.
• Yves is good at the stealth thing.
• The "Looking at an old woman's ass" aspect of the episode is weird and not super funny. The scene with Frohike in the bath is a little better, but not much. I like the bit with the wig though.
• Wait so the neighbor is actually the real Nazi lady? Jesus this episode has too many reversals.
• The fact that Jimmy's only plan to get a message to Frohike is to climb up a drainpipe is funny, as is the timing on the drainpipe breaking.
• Okay I admit it, the matter-of-fact-ness with which the real Nazi lady drops her pants to show off her birthmark is funny.
• I like that Jimmy's personality lets him see that Yves stuck around to help when she could have abandoned them. It makes him a valuable emotional asset to the show.
• As always these reviews are supported by my Patreon. Check it out so that I can hunt down Nazis just for the sport of it, rather than for the reward.

Audio Observations:

We've got two hits here. The first is the most obvious; When Jimmy is in the Lone Gunmen's hideout doing the Risky Business homage, he's doing to to Bad to the Bone by George Thorogood, a song which requires no introduction and will receive none here. I guess Old Time Rock and Roll was too expensive to license.

And hey, our second one is a French song, Ca Plane Pour Moi by Plastic Bertrand (a punk band from the late 70s that was one of the early predecessors to New Wave) that plays during the montage of dressing Frohike up. The song actually did okay here in the US, reaching as high as 47 on the Hot 100, but nothing on its performance in France.