Case 07, File 20: Fight Club

AKA: No, Seriously, Don't Talk About Fight Club

In retrospect, it's hard to explain how the comedic episodes got as big as they did, because they're always walking a fine line. Bad horror is merely kind of dull, bad comedy is often actively irritating. That The X-Files managed to not only create so many comedic episodes without getting one that was teeth gratingly annoying (never mind making some of the best, most heartfelt episodes of the series) is nearly a miracle. It also meant that they were overdue to fuck up that average eventually.

Our episode opens with two Mormons meeting a red haired woman moving into a house in Kansas City. But any hopes that they'll burst into renditions of songs from The Book of Mormon are dashed when they meet another identical woman moving in down the street and proceed to beat the shit out of each other. That's weird enough to send a pair of FBI agents back to their houses, but not the two you're thinking of, and when they run into both women at the same time, THEY start beating the shit out of each other too.

So our heroes, after some discussion about what's going on (the FBI agents claimed to have felt possessed) and how these women have moved around a lot, jet off to Kansas City. Meanwhile both women (Betty and Lulu, incidentally) are applying for jobs at separate Kinkos analogues. That night, we check with a wrestler named Zupanic who needs money so he can get into another match and who heads out to a bar where he meets Betty, thinking she's Lulu. But when Lulu actually walks in, all the glass in the bar explodes and Zupanic and Betty leave together.

Back with our heroes, Mulder has met with a guy named Saperstein, who tells him that Zupanic is close to Better (who they're looking for) and that he'll be there at a wrestling match in a couple days, while Scully has discovered that Lulu exists and that she and Betty have followed each other from city to city 12 times, leaving a trail of destruction in their wake, and that they gotta track them down now.

Zupanic it turns out is dating Lulu but also now having an affair with Betty (it's not totally clear why, I think he got confused) and has to bring money to his wrestling booker, which it turns out is Saperstein, but then both Betty and Lulu show up to the bar, all the glass explodes again and Zupanic gets knocked out, giving Saperstein a chance to steal the money. But it does give Mulder and Scully a chance to find him and ask him what the balls is going on and he tells them about Betty and Lulu.

Okay I'll admit it, this is a cute shot, I like this shot.

Our heroes track Betty and Lulu down to their separate jobs and try to convince them to come with them and figure out what the hell is happening but they refuse and when they pass on the street, Mulder gets sucked into a manhole (just roll with it). Scully meanwhile tracks down their father, an absurdly angry inmate named *checks Wikipedia* Angry Bob who donated sperm and uh...not sure, frankly what her plan was. She does find a guy in the jail who catches her interest though.

Anyway, Zupanic needs money for to get into the wrestling match and ends up asking both Betty and Lulu to help him. So they both use their job at Kinkos to photocopy some bills (just roll with it) and bring it to the match, while Mulder and Scully try to get there to. But, when both Betty and Lulu are there, everyone starts fighting (like, real fighting) until Scully shows up with the prisoner, someone who looks exactly like Zupanic...only then they start fighting again. And thus, the episode ends with Scully explaining to Saperstein that most of that was pointless and they didn't really learn anything. That's it. The end. Go home.

Season Seven has more than its share of subpar episodes, but this episode is just wretched, the only episode of the season that can give First Person Shooter a run for its money in terms of worst episodes of Season Seven. It might actually be worse than First Person Shooter, I can at least tell what First Person Shooter was (pardon the pun) aiming at. I have no idea what the logic train behind this episode was or what point I was supposed to take away from any of it.

Saperstein seems like a way more interesting character than Betty, Lulu or Zupanic.

I suppose the point could be just to be a comedy but A, all of the really great comedy episodes have more going on than that under the surface and B, it's not fucking funny. This is our first big issue with the episode, that across the board it's just kind of annoying. Kathy Griffin is annoying, as far as I can tell it's her main comedy bit, and while that can work in moderation or with a good straight man for her to bounce off of (there's a reason why her cameos on Seinfeld mostly teamed her up with Jerry), she's mostly up there on her own or bouncing off Zupanic, and it's just not really ever funny.

It doesn't help that one of the recurring jokes of the episode, the fights themselves, exist in a weird dead zone where they're too over the top and absurdly presented to be taken seriously, but too painful looking to be really funny. The rest of the comedy isn't much better; Zupanic is comedic deadweight, Angry Bob is on screen for about 5 minutes longer than his shtick is funny, and while Mulder and Scully can often be a winning comedy duo (like they are in the opening scene) the episode keeps them too separate for too long for them to really have an opportunity to bounce off each other.

The plot itself is a letdown too on both a story and a theme level. The story itself is a weird retread of Syzygy (but without the women in question having agency in the destruction, which makes it less interesting and more weirdly uncomfortable) but then it just limps to a close without any real resolution or conclusion. We never get even the barest of explanations for why being long lost half-sisters makes Betty and Lulu cause destruction everywhere they go, the Zupanic double comes out of nowhere and adds nothing (is Zupanic one of Angry Bob's kids too, cause if so, ew) and then the episode just sort of collapses under its own weight, with a weird sum up speech from Scully.

That sum up speech puts in me in mind of the other major problem I have with this episode, and that's that the tone feels kind of mean spirited in general and especially toward Mulder. As I said in the Hollywood AD review, everyone had to know that Duchovny was out the door at the end of this season by now, and while that episode felt like a fond farewell, this episode has a lot of gags that come off as bitter or angry, like him spending most of the episode in the sewers. I guess I can't say that I don't understand why they'd be bitter (he did make them move the production to LA like a year ago) but I don't really want that tone to show up in my comedy episodes.

Did I mention it seemed like the producers were mad at Duchovny?

And that's the thing, most of the good comedy episodes have something, anything, going on to recommend them outside of the laughs, whether that's the warm feeling of saying goodbye to Mulder's tenure on the show or a complex look at fate and fatalism. Fight Club is proof of what happens when you go too far with the comedic episodes, you end up with an episode drained of anything other than attempts to make you laugh. And when they can't even accomplish that, the episode can wind up one of the worst of the entire series.

Case Notes:

• Honestly, the funniest part of this episode is the Mormons.
• Not 100% clear why the two Kathy Griffin characters are shot from behind during their meetings with the Mormons, it's not like their faces are a reveal.
• The fake-Mulder and Scully are pretty clearly being overdubbed by Gillian and David, and I do not know why.
• The bit with Mulder metatextually commenting on the case and Scully calling him out trips right over the line between cute and smug that Hollywood AD wandered back and forth across and all the way into smug.
• Mulder looking excited as Scully guesses what he's thinking is better, but I think that's cause Duchovny and Anderson sell it so well. Even at this stage of the game, the series can't go wrong leaning on their chemistry.
• Does Kinkos (or a guess a Kinkos analogue in this case) really look THAT intensely into employment history?
• Wait does Kinkos still exist even?
• How do you just stumble into a wild animal training jobs?
• Scully showing up Mulder by having figured out Betty and Lulu is semi-cute I guess.
• Big chunks of this episode involving Zupanic and Betty/Lulu are WAY too Three's Company for my taste.
• I can't tell if the bar where Zupanic is meeting Saperstein is supposed to be the same one from the previous night, in which case it got repaired in a hurry.
• Saperstein just straight stealing the money is funny.
• The fact that Betty and Lulu are aware of each other makes it very hard to believe that they haven't figured out how they're connected and figured out a way to deal with it, but then there wouldn't be an episode.
• Mulder saying "No shit Sherlock" ALMOST makes this episode worth it.
• Betty and Lulu go straight for counterfeiting money to help Zupanic, which is incredibly stupid but that's pretty ride or die.
• I'll admit, the reveal of the extra Zupanic in the jail isn't bad. Doesn't GO anywhere, but it's a solid reveal.
• So...Zupanic needs good luck for a wrestling fight with full on costumes? The fight looks pretty scripted, so am I just overthinking it?
• Betty is pretty gutsy to just tell an FBI Agent that she doesn't want to go with him.
• I'm glad that we don't see Mulder and Scully fight, I don't need that.
• I like how they bring Saperstein in to have Scully basically tell him that the plot didn't really mean anything. And by love, I mean hate.
• As always, these reviews are supported by my Patreon. Check it out so I can afford to keep bringing you trenchant insights like "This episode is bad."

Current Celebrity Watch:

Betty and Lulu are, of course, played by Kathy Griffin, a well known standup comic, member of The Groundlings and occasional TV and movie fixture. She got briefly in the news for an art piece where she held up a replica of Donald Trump's head. I've never really clicked with her comedy style, but a lot of people like her, and she deserved better than this script.

Zupanic, on the other hand, is played by Randall Cob, a former heavyweight boxer and occasional actor (he played the Bounty Hunter in Raising Arizona). Similarly, Zupanic's opponent is played by Rob Van Dam (real name Rob Szatkowski) who was a WWE wrestler. I don't know dick about wrestling, so I have no idea if he was like, well known or anything, so if anyone wants to fill me in, I'd be interested.

Also I'd never know this without IMDB, but the Bartender is played by famous stuntman and godfather of MMA, Gene LeBell. He's the guy behind the (probably fake) story where Steven Seagal said he couldn't be choked out and then Gene not only choked him out but made him shit himself. I assume it's not true, but I HOPE it's true.

Future Celebrity Watch:

Angry Bob is played by Jack McGee, a guy who has been around TV and movies but was a few years out from a main role in Rescue Me.