Case 07, File 08: The Amazing Maleeni

AKA: Ocean's...I Dunno, I Think Two?

I go back and forth on how much I want Mulder and Scully to actually accomplish in a given episode. Obviously they can't take down the conspiracy, capture an alien and prove that supernatural shit exists, that would make the rest of the series pointless and I need to see Mulder and Scully flirt dammit. But, outside of the Myth Arc episodes, I like it when I feel like they accomplished something by their presence. Maybe they don't need to actually catch, or even stop the subject at hand, but it would be nice if they did something.

Our story this time kicks off on the Santa Monica pier, where a magician going by the name of the Amazing Maleeni is performing and probably regretting his life choices. But after he gets heckled, he decides he's going to show up the heckler by doing a trick where he turns his head all the way around. But when the manager sees him later to give him his money, his head just pops off after having only been alone 30 seconds. So that's weird. Weird enough to call in Mulder and Scully. 

After some bickering about what happened, they discover a video of the heckler heckling and use his thrown away drink to track him down (don't worry about the timeline on that, they got to California in a couple hours, it's fine). Turns out the heckler is a magician himself named LaBonge (who did a few years in prison for pick pocketing), who thinks Maleeni was a hack and also knows that Maleeni was in deep to some loan sharks. Scully still thinks LaBonge is responsible, but when she examines the body, she finds that his head was very carefully cut off with a meat saw (difficult and exacting work) that it was held on with spirit gum and that he died of a heart attack a month ago, having been kept in a fridge.

Meanwhile, LaBonge goes and sees a guy named Cissy Alvarez, who he knew in prison, and is also the one Maleeni owed money to, says that he's the one who decapitated Maleeni and offers to get help Alvarez get his money back tenfold. Mulder and Scully on the other hand find out that Maleeni had a twin brother named Albert, who works at a bank. They go to see him, finding out he did magic too, and Mulder suspects that Albert did the show at the docks and then set up his brother's body to make it his last act. Of course this is kind of contradicted by the fact that Albert has a neck brace and no legs from a car crash in Mexico, so they drop that line of inquiry and ask for LaBonge's help, which he provides but isn't actually helpful, except for finding a piece of paper saying that Maleeni owed Alvarez money.

"Oh no, he's mastered the power of late 90s special effects!"

Alvarez goes and visits Albert, and tells him he's going to pay back Maleeni's debts or he's gonna get killed. Albert decides that he's going to uh...keep going about his business, schmoozing with the guards of the armored car when he unlocks the vault for them. But more or less immediately, the armored cars is attacked by a guy with the same tattoos as Alvarez, but we see a minute later after the guard shoots at him that it was actually LaBonge. Afterwards, Mulder and Scully visit Alvarez who denies being involved in the robbery but they clearly don't believe him.

Mulder at this point has pretty much figured out what's going on, visits Albert again and dumps him out of his chair like it's the end of The Big Lebowski. This time however, it turns out Albert does have legs and he explains that he found his brother after he lost a bunch of money to Alvarez and decided to switch them out to escape his debtors. His boss and our heroes aren't convinced he's on the up and up, so they lock him for the night, while at the same LaBonge pulls a gun on Alvarez and ends up in prison...right next to Maleeni.

So the next morning the bank has been robbed and they discover the money in Alvarez's bar, which leads Mulder to understand what actually happened: Alvarez made LaBonge's life hell in prison, when Maleeni's brother died, they hatched a plan to send Alvarez back to prison, which they did by escaping prison and framing him for the bank robbery, after intentionally losing a ton of money to him. Also they're like, mentor/mentee or something. Anyway, Mulder is cool with all that, but he also figures out they stole his badge and his thumbprint to still money electronically, but he puts a stop to that and the episode is just sort of over. But Scully does some cool magic with her hand. So that's nice.

I've always rather enjoyed this episode, but I've never once thought it was good. It's funny and offbeat and it's got an easygoing energy that I often enjoy, but it's got a lot of weak points. It's an episode with some strong parts, some weak parts but overall I feel the whole is weaker than the sum of those parts. There is a strong episode in here, but the result we got is not it.

And thus 10,000 girls had sapphic awakenings.

I think the big issue is that, while the story is conceptually fun (I like heists, I like The X-Files, combining them makes sense), the format of a 40 minute episode doesn't do it justice. The fun of a heist story is seeing it all come together, the plan build until we finally hit the big reveal of how the plan was actually working. And the episode hits those beats, but it has so little time that it just rushes through them. The episode's pacing is so fast that it seems less like a proper story and more like a series of heist focused beats arranged in order.

Which is a shame because the stuff I like most about the episodes are the character and story moments that do manage to sneak in. Obviously I'm a big fan of Mulder/Scully banter (and this episode has some top tier banter) but I actually really wish we could see more interactions between LaBonge and Maleeni. They only have one scene together after they've revealed their allegiance and it's mostly Mulder dropping some exposition about their plan. Doing the reveal earlier, while it might have dropped the surprise angle, might have made the story feel more natural and given it some actual heft.

And it's a shame because I find both of these characters engaging on their own. They both have strong characterizations (even if LaBonge's character too frequently dips into "Cocky douche.") and once the whole thing is laid out they're both pretty motivated, but that moment comes at the end, and the final beat of their plan (their desire to steal money with Mulder's badge and fingerprint) kinda undercuts their motivation. Revenge (and the proxy motivation of giving Maleeni's magic career a major sendoff) makes them much less interesting.

"Wait, Mulder, why did you want to imitate that scene in The Big Lebowski? Don't you remember how it ended?"
"I didn't finish."
"You didn't finish what, the scene?"

And that leads us into the big problem with this episode: Mulder and Scully don't actually accomplish anything to stop LaBonge and Maleeni's scheme. Sure they revealed that Maleeni is lying about his legs, but their plan still goes off without a hitch and they just away with it. Yes, Alvarez is a bad person, but he was innocent of the crime he's going to prison for and Mulder and Scully seem totally fine with it. Hell, they arguably make LaBonge and Maleeni's plan better, since they give them the opportunity to steal stuff via wire transfer (which they realize was their plan and let them off with little more than an "Oh those crazy kids.") I don't demand a lot from Mulder and Scully, but I usually want their presence to be a positive one on the situation.

I feel like I'm asking too much of an episode like this, a slight, amusing and easygoing episode of this series in its latter half, but what bugs me is that, when The X-Files was at its peak, it could do all these things. Humbug, just as an example, was funny and easygoing, but also had stakes and insight into its characters and a theme it seemed to be exploring. If it seems like I'm being too hard on the series in this part (and I will remind you, I still like Season Seven) it's because I know what the series is capable of and I want it to always live up to that potential.

Case Notes:

• If there's one thing I absorbed from this cold open, it's that performing magic at a carnival in the middle of the day is a circle of hell.
• Maleeni is a decent magician but he has very little stage presence and, once you know the final twist involving the heckler, the heckler is clearly overacting pretty hard.
• I do like the brief insert of the heckler and Maleeni giving each other significant looks, it doesn't draw attention on the first watch but it's nice foreshadowing.
• The effect on Maleeni's head turning around has uh...not aged great.
• Mulder and Scully have good banter in this episode. "Why are you talking like Tony Randall" in particular is great.
• LaBonge is just kind of insufferable in his first scene and his scene with Mulder and Scully goes on much much much too long, which I think is the joke but whatever.
• I like the sheer weirdness of Maleeni's autopsy, the spirit gum is a nice touch.
• LaBonge's scene with the gambler is a lot better, his weird energy and overconfidence is more fun when he's in danger.
• Maleeni mistakes Mulder and Scully for husband and wife, count it.
• I dunno why Scully would say that she's worried Pinchbeck might run, except to set up his leg injuries.
• I dunno why but "A bad Mexican car accident. In Mexico," absolutely shreds me.
• Mulder's basically got what happened down at the midpoint, just not all of it and not why.
• Scully in the hat is probably responsible for a lot of queer ladies having awakenings. Straight guys too. Or bisexual in my case.
• After the, admittedly fun, scene where LaBonge digs through Maleeni's van, the episode is kind of running short on time and has to start pushing its pieces into place so we don't get as much character work or fun banter moments.
• Mulder pointing out that Alvarez played poker with Maleeni even though he knew Maleeni was great at sleight of hand is a good point, and one which doesn't really get addressed.
• I love how completely without patience Scully has for Mulder doing the magic stuff by the end of it. Her sarcastic "Achoo" is great.
• I love how offended Maleeni is at the suggestion he cheat at cards.
• The bank manager being angry that he gave Maleeni a ramp is weird. Isn't he legally required to provide that? Like, just in general?
• The end of the episode is less interesting to me than the rest of it, the wrap up is just not as cool as the setup.
• The final beat of Scully doing the arm trick is just a wee bit too cute, but whatever.
• As always these reviews are supported by my Patreon. I can't rob banks so check it out so I can afford to, you know, live.

Current Celebrity Watch:

Maleeni is played by Ricky Jay, who had a lot of minor film roles throughout the years from Tomorrow Never Dies to Boogie Nights, but is best known for being an unspeakably talented magician and slight of hand artist, which I guess makes his role in this episode somewhat authentic.

Future Celebrity Watch:

One of the armored truck drivers is played by Steven Barr who is best known for playing Urdnot Wrex in the Mass Effect trilogy. Yes I think that's worth mentioning, why do you ask?