Case 04, File 12: Leonard Betts

AKA: This Episode Is Better Than Its One Sentence Summary

There are some X-Files premises that become legendary. Some of them because the episodes surrounding them were so mind bogglingly good that they just stick into the brain. Some of them however got stuck in the brain because the idea is just so freaking weird that you can't help but spend days thinking "What the hell even was that?" But hey, if The X-Files is a show known for its weird concepts, even the episodes that make you think that can be good, right?


Leonard Betts opens with our titular character, a preternaturally skilled EMT, getting decapitated in a car crash. And that's it, a little short, but at least it's unpredictable. I am kidding of course, the next thing his headless body does is kick its way free from the morgue and steal the morgue attendants clothes. That's a little odd, so Mulder and Scully are called in. Mulder immediately thinks that it's the headless body wandering off, while Scully thinks there's a more mundane explanation, like ya do.

It seems initially like Scully might be right when they discover Betts' head in a medical waste disposal dumpster. But then things get odd when Mulder investigates Betts' apartment and discovers a bathtub full of iodine of all things but thinks its weird when Betts head starts moving. Oh and I guess Betts pops out of the iodine tub with his head regrown, but Mulder doesn't get to see that.

After some more tests, they discover that basically every cell in Betts' head was made of cancer and Mulder, being Mulder, decides the best way to handle it is to get a chi photograph of his head, where they discover that he still has...shoulder energy? I dunno, the chi photograph thing is really weird and out of nowhere. More importantly, they discover the completely alone Leonard Betts has an alter-ego who had a living mother, who is under the impression her son died in a car accident six years ago.

I have no caption here, I just paused it here and I love Mulder's facial expression.

While all this is happening, Leonard's old EMT partner discovers that Leonard is still alive and goes to see him, and Leonard being a calm and sensible sort, murders her to protect his secret. Turns out he's not as good at murder as EMTing because he gets caught by a guard and has to tear his own thumb off to escape. After that, and discovering a cooler full of cancer ridden organs in his car, Mulder hits upon his theory: Betts isn't just made of cancer, he eats cancer and as a result he can regrow limbs and even heads.

They find out the car Betts was driving is registered to his mom, who drops the ignorant act in favor of the "Creepily worshipful" persona when the search her house. They don't find Betts because he's off attacking bar patrons with lung cancer, stealing their cancer (ew) and creating a second version of himself (ewwwwwwww). They find Betts' storage room, where he drives his car at them and it...immediately explodes. A bit anti-climactic that but-oh, I already made that joke.

Anyway yes, it turns out that the one that died is the copy Betts made and he's hiding out at his mom's, who decides that she's going to give him the cancer she has (in what is an intensely creepy scene). Mulder and Scully are surveilling the house though, and when Betts bolts and his mom gets taken off to the hospital, Scully goes with her. But Betts has followed Scully and attacks her, with the implication that Scully has cancer! But cancer or not, Scully still kicks more ass than any human alive and triumphs over Betts, and the episode ends lingering on the suggestion that Scully has cancer.

No caption here either, this is just the absolute grossest scene in the episode and I thought you would appreciate it.

Leonard Betts is a weird and gross episode, one with a premise that draws your attention the moment you hear it. It's about a dude made of cancer who eats cancer, what the hell even is that? But, as I said in the AKA title, it's certainly better than its one sentence description would suggest, and it's obviously a vital episode to watch (containing, as it does) our first hint that Scully has cancer. But even outside its batshit insane premise, I would argue there's a lot of value to the episode.

But there's no way to review the episode without opening by discussing the completely insane premise, and in terms of unique and weird X-Files premises, it's right up at the top, and it sounds like it's going to be the dumbest thing in the world. But I'll be damned if it doesn't work. There's a lot of good work being done with the lighting and cinematography, and some damned fine special effects, but the central thing that works is that the premise is creepy. It's weird, but in an offputting way.

Of course it helps that the screenplay manages to handle its story well. The mystery reveals itself gradually and build tension well. I might make cracks about how contrived it is that Betts takes a job back at his old hospital, but having him murder his old partner is a good way of showing that he's willing to kill to protect his secret and it moves the story forward naturally. The script is full of little details like that, stuff that helps keep the story moving and engaging.

The script also has what some episodes lack, a coherent and well explored theme. The fact that Betts kills people to survive not out of malice has been examined a lot (which is a discussion that's interesting, but one that I'll save for a Season 6 episode) but I actually like the themes of Betts' egoism. He thinks he's smarter than everyone and thinks he'll be hated for it, but honestly, he could probably reveal what he is and not only be accepted but celebrated since he could lead to a cure for cancer. But instead he chooses to hide and ends up having to kill (and be killed) for it.

Dude, if your plan involves you beating Agent Scully in one on one combat, I have bad news for you.

This combines with some nice performances (Betts himself is quite memorable, despite the fact that he says like 10 lines in the entire episode) and the aforementioned great effects to create an episode that's really bizarre and memorable. The scene of Leonard emerging from...well Leonard is an all time great freaky sequence and Bett's mom is giving a great, slightly unhinged performance. It's an element that doesn't get explored much, but I like the almost cult-ish devotion Betts' mom has to him.

There's one other element that's worth exploring, which the fact that Scully had cancer, but aside from the fact that it influences how we read the finale (and Scully's recklessness in the next episode) I think I'll save discussions of Scully's cancer plotline until we get the official reveal in Memento Mori. For now Leonard Betts is a weird, offbeat and extremely gross episode of The X-Files, and given that I'm usually looking for weird, offbeat and gross stuff, it's actually one I'm extremely fond of.

Case Notes:

• I know it's supposed to be the weird thing that Leonard says to help us know its him, but "Up to his ass in alligators" is a stupid phrase.
• Which is worse, the driver of the ambulance not keeping her eyes on the road or the truck not noticing there was an ambulance with its lights on and stopping?
• How does the headless body see enough to attack the morgue attendant? Or am I overthinking it?
• I like the shot of the feet prints on the inside of the morgue cabinet.
• Mulder's face when Scully asks if he's suggesting a headless body got up and walked out is one of the best expressions in the series.
• Mulder looks deeply uncomfortable pawing through the body parts, it's great.
• Gillian Anderson does a great job selling how freaked out she is when Betts' head comes alive.
• Mulder's decision to just stick his fingers into a tub full of strange red liquid is Mulder in a nutshell.
• Scully trying to explain away Betts' head moving is also vintage Scully and I love it.
• Mulder fails to mention the fact that Betts' tub is full of iodine when he's on the phone to Scully. Seems like that's worth bringing up.
• Betts rising out of the tub covered in iodine is a good shot, not gonna lie.
• Michelle is dropping a metric ton of exposition on Leonard, but given what we know about him by the end of the episode, the fact that he read to cancer patients is um...a little darker than we originally think.
• I love Scully freezing the head to get slices. It's a very Scully thing to do.
• There's probably a very interesting episode to be made in Scully finding out that Betts' body is made of cancer and having to deal with it, but the episode basically just gives her the option of skipping past it.
• I love how Mulder discovers that Betts' body is made of cancer and his first instinct is to get an aura photograph.
• Leonard Betts turns out to not be his real name, but I'm going to keep calling him that because it's easiest to remember.
• I feel like if a guy who died on the job is able to re-register as an EMT and get a job without anyone recognizing him, then maybe the hospital needs some stricter screening methods.
• I feel bad for Michelle getting killed and I get why it happened in the episode, but I kind of feel like he should have anticipated someone recognizing him when he applied to work at the same hospital. Don't be sorry for killing her, think ahead asshole.
• Betts pulling off his finger to escape the handcuff? Super gross, A+.
• I'm 90 percent sure Mulder is talking bullshit when he says that evolution can happy in massive jumps, but it's fun nonetheless.
• Betts eating cancer to survive is also ultra-gross, and I love that Scully reacts to it.
• Elaine Tanner is coming off as deeply unhinged throughout the episode.
• Leonard killing a random bar guy for his lung cancer is super weird, but I guess it's mostly just to establish that Betts can sense and will cut out cancer from people.
• I love how the car the fake Betts drives just straight explodes.
• Betts' plan relied on him killing Scull with a surgical knife. Come on Betts, better men than you have tried. Scully proceeds to beat the shit out of him and zap him.
• I forget until I watch it that this episode has the first hint that Scully has cancer. We're still a couple episodes out from officially being told that though.
• As always, these reviews are supported by my Patreon. I stopped working on Passover dinner with my girlfriend to post this, so the least you could do is take a look.

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Stretching our definitions here, but Betts is played by Paul McCrane, who was a recurring character and eventual main character on ER. He was also in Fame, Robocop and won an Emmy for something called Harry's Law. But he was also in Atlas Shrugged: Part II so all of that gets cancelled out, sorry.